I finally understand the meaning of ‘surround yourself with positive energy’. I finally do.
Do something you like and you’ll enjoy every minute of it. Your body can get exhausted but your soul and heart remain energised. That’s what positive energy does to you.
And negativity only does the opposite.
And once you find your happiness - hold on to it as tight as you can. It takes time bit after a while you finally realise that your joy doesn’t depend on others but depends solely on your faith, belief, trust and mindset. Faith in yourself. Trust in yourself.
We walk through life with one aim - to become a better person. To become better versions of ourselves. You make mistakes, you learn from them and you grow. That’s the lesson life teaches us every now and then.
It’s called maturing. It’s also called growing up. Knowing that the version of you right now may not be as perfect as you think it is. But then, it takes a lot of courage and a lot of acceptance to be able to see where you went wrong. Most of all though, it takes strength. Strength to be able to see your own flaw - however ugly and invisible you think it is. It takes realising that people don’t owe you anything. You build your own path. You make your own mistakes and go through your own journey. There is this conception that there is a destination that you will reach - that you will finally live and have the time to become better when you reach that place. But none of us ever reach it. We just reach death. And once there - it’s too late for change isn’t it?
Once in a while - very rarely- we get a sort of revelation about ourselves. A sort of truth that will descend upon us for us to see where we went wrong - for usto be able to set our priorities again, and for us to realise that it’s the time to be better. Time to be better than who we are right now.
Then mostly you realise - it’s time to forgive yourself for the past. It’s time to make sure you don’t feel this kind of regret again.
It’s been long since I wrote anything that isn’t medical-related down. It has been a while.
Thank You for always being here. Thank You for constantly helping me out even when I know I should have done better. Thank You for your never ending compassion, help, love and for never abandoning me. Thank You for blessing me with so much.
They say darkness is the absence of light just like cold is the absence of heat. Hate is the absence of love.
They say with no religion, we wouldn’t hate each other. That’s not true. We would find ways to hate each other. We would bring each other down for other reasons. Isn’t that what humans have been doing since the dawn of time? Hate because of differences in skin colour, in taste, in beliefs, in gender, in sexual orientation, in social class. The list goes on. And on. And on. Hate because of jealousy. Hate for the sake of hating.
Hate brings pain though. It brings pain to people around you and to yourself. It wears you down. It fills your heart with rage and your soul with sadness. That is all it does.
So we say we believe in God. We say we love God. We say we respect God. But yet, here we are, criticising what God created. Here we are, critcising her for having too long nose or too round eyes. Yet, here we are criticising God’s creatures who chose to live differently, who chose to believe differently, who were born differently. Yet, here we are hating cultures, ethnicities, races.
So we say we believe in God. So we say we love God. Because we do. But loving God is meant to be a love so pure, a love so unconditional that we were meant to understand that God does the judging, not us humans. Loving God is simple. God loves you back. God helps you back. God brings you happiness and helps you out in your moments of distresses. God helps you when you’re sitting on the floor crying your eyes out. Because God’s love to us is eternally unconditional.
But then, aren’t we meant to understand to accept each other’s differences? Aren’t we meant to understand that one bad person doesn’t make it a bad community? Aren’t we meant to understand that God created us all, all equal, whether you be fair, dark, Arab, Caucasian, Indian, African, Chinese. We were all born equal. We will all die the same way.
Religion doesn’t cause wars. The basis of every religion is love, acceptance, patience.
What causes war is greed. Greed for power, for control.
Religion is an excuse, because no religion says “kill your brother”. No religion preaches death. Only greed does that. Only greed says it’s okay to kill. Only greed says it’s okay to ruin the lives of millions of children, of millions of grandparents who wanted to watch their grand child grow. Only greed says it’s okay to kill a race of people and let my kind live. Greed and hate. They walk hand in hand.
And once you obtained everything you wanted, all the power and control - it still won’t be enough. You’ll still look for more. But wars have consequences. They have consequences on the soul. They weigh heavily - just like they should.
They ask me where I come from. I tell them I come from paradise. They ask me where I originate from. I tell them from paradise. They ask me where my ancestors come from. Because apparently having been born and raised in paradise, having 5 generations of grandparents being born and raised there isn’t enough to make me a Mauritian. It’s not even enough to make me African.
I come from the land of rainbows. I come from the land where people aren’t afraid to be happy. I come from the land where street vendors are busy people. I come from the land where you are taught that street food is just as good as any other. I come from the land where the most colourful moments are in the marketplace. I also come from the land which makes you dream. A land which teaches you that no matter how small we may be in size, we are huge in our hearts. I come from the land where slaves were freed. I come from the land where your skin colour doesn’t matter, because inside, we’re all the same. We all come from the same paradise. We all come from the same people.
I come from the land which is proud to show it’s diversity. I come from the land which might not be the best, or even rank among the best, but still takes pride in every victory. I come from the land of open hearts. A land where you’re meant to know everyone around you. A land where beauty overflows and knows no bounds. A land filled with sunshine. A land you can always call home, no matter what. A land that has a lot to worry about, a land that has a lot to improve but still a land that makes me happy.
I come from a place which is filled with differences but which still knows how to be proud of those differences. And the more I get to know how much the world hates differences, the more I realise that where I come from - those differences don’t matter. If you’re born Mauritian, that is what you’ll be. You won’t be classified by your religion or ethnic class or social class - you will be classed as a Mauritian. And today, at least, I’m proud of that.
I’m late. I’m over 24 hours late. HAPPY WOMEN’S DAY. And while we’re at it, Happy Day to the Men as well. We all deserve a day where our rights are protected and highlighted. We all deserve a day to remind ourselves that we deserve only the best.
Sometimes, people make you feel like shit. They make you feel that you deserve to feel that way. They make you believe that it’s normal for you to feel that way. They treat you like crap. I think it’s something we all go through.
It’s about taking matters into your own hands thoughn- and saving yourself. Because, damn it, no one is ever going to save you if you don’t start by realising that you deserve to be saved. You deserve to smile without having a pit of hurt inside of you. You deserve happy. You deserve joy. No one deserves pain and heart ache and complexity. No one deserves betrayal or any other form of emotional torture.
Women (and men as well), it’s time to realise that WE ARE ALL WORTH IT. NO ONE DESERVES TO FEEL LIKE SHIT. FEELING SHITTY IS NOT NORMAL. FEELING SHITTY IS NEVER NORMAL, NEVER TAKE IT AS BEING THE NORM. AND NEVER THINK THAT YOU DESERVE TO FEEL THAT WAY. DON’T LET ANYONE DEFINE YOU AND YOUR DREAMS. DEFINE THEM YOURSELF.
Happy Women’s day. Celebrate the fact that you’re a woman. A woman who is strong and who doesn’t let other people bring her down. Celebrate that.
I found this video clip while going around youtube. And a series of emotions from my childhood re surfaced. Tons of memories came flooding back like a tap that has just been opened and refuses to close.
I was extremely young when this movie came out. I watched it a few years after its initial release. We travelled to my cousin’s house who lives in the South. I went there by bus with my mother and aunt. My father came later in the afternoon. He was reading the newspaper in the tv room. The door was open as usual with all the windows letting the sun rays come in. The view was great. The trees around were all moving with the wind. The garden was filled with birds. The grass was as green as it is now, but it is prettier in my memory. The slope of the garden at the time seemed like a mountain. I would never venture into the depth of the papaya trees or the letchi trees. I was a coward. That fact truly didn’t change. The goyavas though were found only at the other side of the garden, and the walk to the goyavas seemed endless at the time. Even my love for goyavas didn’t make me more courageous. I’d wait patiently for the fruits to be picked up and laid on the table so I could wash them myself and eat themall without bothering to ask for permission. I was constantly ebing scolded about my manners.
The weather was perfect to go to the sea. The weather is always perfect around there to go to the sea. That day, we went in the morning though. We went in a 4x4 and I was excited to be finally allowed to sit at the back with the bigger kids. I finally felt like a big kid. A kid who could be trusted to sit in open air. A kid who was being allowed to enter the group of the big ones. And oh, what an honour that was. Even though they were driving faster than I would have liked, and I couldn’t hold my towel and my hair at the same time, I felt happy. I felt like I was fitting in. I was fitting in my own family. And the years of waiting to be treated like someone “big” was finally paying off.
And so that day, my father was reading the newspaper and someone put this movie in for me to watch. I hardly understood what I was watching. I never understood hindi, and I could only read very little english at the time. I would constantly ask those around me to tell me what was happening even though I couldn’t care less. I never understood love when I was a kid anyway. I never understood what the hype was about. I never undertood why people would hurt themselves and others for someone they just met. But that didn’t matter. What mattered were the songs. The views that came along with it. The love you could hear and somehow understand in the songs. The love that felt normal now when you heard it. And so this song, it remained. There were others too. Others I watched in the same setting. I watched the others feeling just as safe because I knew my dad was somewhere in the house and would bring me back home at the end of the day even if I felt asleep. And the joy I felt because I always looked forward to the ride back home when my brother would lend me his legs for me to sleep on and my parents would talk and lauugh together for a few moments vefore I succumbed to the beauty of sleep.
Hate is easy.
Love is hard.
Hate. It’s like a boomerang. However far you send it, with whichever force, whatever your will is, it will always come back to you. Because every easy thing has a consequence. And that is the consequence of hate. Hate eats you up. It sheds your soul into pieces and dries you out of your humanity. And what is left to love with someone who no longer has a soul?
Like the river that flows endlessly, love can heal with no conditions. Love can make your soul smile even if it doesn’t make your lips smile. Love brings hope along with it. The real kind of hope, the kind of hope that makes you want to believe in destiny all over again. That is the power of love. The invisible power of unconditional love.
So you stare at me with no words. You stare with no words coming out of your lips but with tons filling your angry heart, trying to find a way out to slap me in the face. And soon enough, it does find its way. And so you did it again. My most sincere congratulations.
You stare at me again. You don’t stare with your eyes now though. Is it shame that prevents you from looking me in the eye? Is it shame? Is it pride? Or is it simply because you want to hide the joy dancing in your eyes; the joy you get out of bringing other people down. But oh, you goose, didn’t you learn your lesson? I’ll simply fold my hands, place my head on my arms and watch you intently - watch for a change. A change which isn’t coming today. A change. It’s absence hurts my heart physically. It hurts me deep down - right where you thought people had no feelings.
But now that you’re done. Now that I tried to meet you halfway but clearly failed. Now that you showed me that the only way to gain your appreciation is to completely walk the mile for you, are you happy? Are you feeling happy? Or is that just temporary? Does conscience pop in later on? Or not?
The blue flowered stain on your wall shows the power of your destruction. The power of your loathing. You show clearly what you detest, what you detest less and what you detest minimally; but when will you show what you truly love? When will you allow us to see that joy you claim to have found? When will you decide to love along with us? When will you rejoice with us in the happy moments and cry with us in the sad ones, sweat with us in the tough ones and smile when the results are positive?
But once again, you must have shown to me, to all of us, that your blood is more precious than ours. Your fatigue is more compared to ours. Your blood is royal whilst ours is that of a labourer. So for this moment that we’re sympathising with you and your genes, lets truly spend a minute of silence to mourn for our loss and to rejoice for your gain.
But you didn’t understand, did you? Those words you said 3 years ago, do you feel the weight of them now that you had to change your meaning? And in three years from now, will you feel the weight of the words you uttered today so that you will again change the meaning of what you said? Because this cycle is getting boring. It’s feeling repetitive like our conversations that revolve around the weather. It’s feeling repetitive. It’s burning you out.
Save yourself before it’s too late. Maybe now, someone might come in your burning house to help you out of it.
At that moment,
You have two choices,
Me or us.
Choosing to be a team,
Or choosing to save your own skin.
Being able to face your fears,
Or honourably backing out,
Without looking at the consequences,
Without being able to love unconditionally that stranger who might die.
Without being able to understand that fear.
Albeit understanding, feeling intensely, your own fear. Your own emotions.
Understanding and seeing them,
Like on a screen being portrayed in front of you,
Where you see yourself as a 3rd person,
But feel every bit of earth shattering second like its your own - because it is your own.
But at the end of the day, you can’t feel that stranger’s pain.
You can’t love a stranger,
You can’t feel the father’s pain - unless you’re a father yourself.
You can’t feel the orphan’s pain - unless you’re an orphan yourself.
You can’t feel the pain of the starved - unless you are starved yourself.
And even then, would you be able to choose them over you? Would you be able to choose the possibility of losing your life for the chance of saving another?